For any of you Girls out there who completed the application form you might be lucky enough to get to the next stage.
This will either be a quick coffee at a service station or a game of table tennis. This will then be followed by a trip to the movies… My choice.
Following this I will introduce you to the ultimate tool… In relationship assessment. This is my very own Yes/Maybe/No Grid.
I really believe this should be brought out at the end of every meeting we have. I love it because it saves you both a lot of time and money. It also stops all those Awkward ‘Dawsons Creeky’/’where are we going?’ chats.
Well done mature adults. You have both saved yourself time and money by arriving at this mutual agreement. The best thing to do here is stop immediately. Or if you are in the middle of watching ‘Meet the Little Fockers’ finish the film and then politely say goodbye to eachother. Don’t forget to wish each-other luck in the future.
2. Me-Maybe You-No
In this unlikely scenario the best thing to do is be honest. Besides in this scenario, If you told me ‘no’ then my ‘maybe’ would very quickly become a no also. Then we are back to square 1… Of my grid.
If scenario 2 is an unlikely event this is about as likely as Little-Mix going on a 40th anniversary World Tour.
The only way this will happen after a first meeting will be if you are Michelle Keegan and I start talking about all the different types of Milk available.
4. Me-No, You-Maybe
From my perspective I suffer from rigid thinking. I can’t ever remember ever going from No to Maybe. This scenario is obviously quite similar to square 2 of the grid.
5. Both Maybe
Ah, the Maybe Zone. If you are both honest and both decided ‘Not sure’ that is cool. Not many people realise this is an option. And a healthy one during the early days.
This definitely deserves another meeting, possibly to Belfast Zoo if you are lucky.
Feel free to stay in this Zone for a long time. Hey, even a year in this zone wouldn’t be weird. My one tip here is decide if it is exclusive while it is happening or not. Also keep this grid in mind because thoughts can change very quickly.
6.Me-yes, you maybe
The Maybe Zone is a great Zone. But you can’t stay in it forever. After a few months I might decide that I quite like you. Don’t worry, I’ll be really cool about it. My role models in life are two Harrison Ford characters, Han Solo and Indiana Jones. I admire Han Solo because of his ‘I know’ moment just before he is frozen in carbonite in Empire Strikes Back.
I like Indiana Jones because his main priority is to find the Ark of the Covenant or Alien spaceship or whatever. If there is a woman interested in him that’s cool, you can join Indiana on his journey but he will never let you believe you are the centre of his world.
7. Me-No, You-yes
This is a situation most women who meet me find themselves in. They like me straight away. I have charmed them with my 3 door Volkswagen 2008 Golf, I have bought them a Tesco meal deal and they have now turned to mush. Well I can’t help it. I’m sorry I’m such a catch.
In this scenario the best thing to do is give ‘sandwich feedback’. Used by offices up and down the country it’s a way of saying something positive followed by the terrible news for her in the middle followed by something positive. Eg. Tonight was great, I enjoyed the Tesco Value Sushi and cheers for getting washed before meeting me. Unfortunately I don’t feel this is going anywhere,we are just too different I guess. However it’s been a fun evening and let’s stay friends,(On Facebook for a few weeks and then I will block you).
This seems like a scenario that might possibly happen after a few months of hanging out with me. Initially after meeting me you might of thought, ‘Who is this weirdo?’ But you decided to press on. I’ve always said my first impression is rubbish but my fifth impression is unreal. This again maybe something that happens later on. In this scenario I guess the best thing to do is proceed with caution. I might find out you also play FIFA which will move my thoughts along.
If this happens after a few weeks you are both crazy. But you never know it might be something special. This means you can think a little more long term, whatever that means. Be aware that feelings change over time and it’s only down hill from here.
Every couple of weeks you should refer back to this grid to see what page you are both on.
If you look closely at the grid you will see that at best there is a 1 in 9 chance that you will actually both like each-other. That’s not a lot. This is why you need to approach meeting up with people with extreme caution. Too many people aren’t honest about where they are on the grid and things get messy.
Anyway, what do I know…
I know what you are thinking now. Don’t worry… A Yes-No-Maybe triangle is on it’s way for all you polygamists out there!
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